I’m not perfect.
I’ve spent the last three years focusing on why I abused food and can now say that I am no longer a practicing food adict.
Enter my shopping addiction.
The great thing about finally gaining insight into my food addiction is that I also have new insight into my addictions in general. I didn’t abuse food for one reason and compulsively shop for another. It’s all the same shit manifesting itself in multiple (seemingly every) area of my life.
So let’s talk about my current shopping struggles, shall we?
I started a new job in July of this year. It’s a great job and I’m totally blessed. It was a great career move and the work is work that I want to be doing.
So what’s the problem? The problem is that I came in at the busiest time ever and no one has time to train me. When they DO have time to train me, I’m at max busy for a day. Several days pass before I meet with a trainer again. It will not always be this way, but it’s this way now and I’m so fucking bored I could just die.
So how do I alleviate this boredom? I shop on the internet from 9am – 5pm Monday through Friday.
Window shopping is fine. It’s fun to put together fantasy outfits (if you’re me, it’s fun anyway), fantasy furniture designs and browse, browse, browse for the stuff I actually need (when I size down I frequently need to replace the vast majority of my wardrobe).
What ISN’T fine is when I make want-based purchases without clearing them with my husband. He totally busted me last night on the two (TWO) Dooney & Bourke bags that I’ve bought in the last month. Granted, they were a GREAT deal for Dooney & Bourke (or as my husband says, ‘Dooney and Booney’), but I don’t NEED two new handbags let ALONE two new Dooney & Bourke handbags.
Sound like a familiar pattern? I’m unhappy/bored, I eat (shop), I feel good, the food is gone (or the item arrives) and I’m still unhappy/bored. Better eat more (buy something else) so I can feel better again.
Yup. I’ve swapped one addiction for another.
This happened when I had a dramatic weight loss in 2006. I became OBSESSED with shopping and had no idea why. What’s so great about the fact that it’s 2010 and NOT 2006? I now see the CLEAR connection between what I’m using shopping for: I’m using it to avoid feeling what I don’t want to feel (bored and unhappy).
So what do you do if you can’t abuse food, can’t shop compulsively and can’t smoke (I QUIT SMOKING IN JULY 2010!!!)?
There are a few things you can do:
1. Be present and aware.
When browsing online there’s always the risk that I will come across something that seems to be too good of a deal to pass up (case in point, those two handbags). When I find this item that makes my pupils dilate and my heart race it is very easy to be lost in the moment and buy without regard for the impact the purchase will have on our finances (let alone buying without regard for the fact that I don’t actually need anything).
To prevent buyer’s remorse I don’t allow myself to be carried away on a sea of cute handbag adrenaline. When I feel the familiar reactions to a cute item, I stop, remove myself from the situation, make myself wait a day before making the purchase (which waiting ALWAYS prevents from taking place).
Another form of awareness is knowing what I can and cannot handle. I cannot handle browsing the monthly specials at dooney.com. I just can’t. So I don’t do it.
I also prevent myself from making a new purchase by looking at my recent purchases (they’re usually right next to me or on my body) and acknowledging that owning these items did not change anything. Yes, they’re cute, but I’m still looking for more new items to add to the collection so clearly the same will be the case when whatever I’m about to purchase is no longer online but in my possession. Once I own the item, life will be the same. I’ll still be bored at work, but in addition I’ll have the SECONDARY problem of feeling bad about having made a purchase, wasted money, prevented our savings from accumulating as fast as it potentially could, etc.
2. Do something else that isn’t boring.
I work downtown at the end of a one mile stretch of pedestrian only highway. I love walking. I love the season (fall).
It’s very easy for me to steal away for 30 minutes and take a brisk walk. The benefits of this are many since not only am I no longer bored, but I’m moving my body, enjoying the sunshine, taking in the sights/sounds/smells of the city. It’s great!
I totally neglected my blog and this downtime is a great opportunity to update it with everything I’ve learned/am learning.
People use the internet for a lot of things. It isn’t JUST a 24 hour mall. It’s also an amazing resource on ANYTHING you might be interested in knowing about, well, ANYTHING. Best part, using the internet as a resource doesn’t lead to a drained bank account or feelings of guilt.
You get the idea. I have a lot of options and choices that don’t involve spending money. I just have to be CONSTANTLY aware of why I’m doing what I’m doing. Am I abusing food/shopping compulsively/*insert distructive behavior here* as a means to avoid feeling something I don’t want to feel? The answer is always ‘yes’. I just need to pay attention and I can uncover the TRUE motivations for my destructive behavior and address it instead of perpetuating it.![]()
I’ve spent the last three years focusing on why I abused food and can now say that I am no longer a practicing food adict.
Enter my shopping addiction.
The great thing about finally gaining insight into my food addiction is that I also have new insight into my addictions in general. I didn’t abuse food for one reason and compulsively shop for another. It’s all the same shit manifesting itself in multiple (seemingly every) area of my life.
So let’s talk about my current shopping struggles, shall we?
I started a new job in July of this year. It’s a great job and I’m totally blessed. It was a great career move and the work is work that I want to be doing.
So what’s the problem? The problem is that I came in at the busiest time ever and no one has time to train me. When they DO have time to train me, I’m at max busy for a day. Several days pass before I meet with a trainer again. It will not always be this way, but it’s this way now and I’m so fucking bored I could just die.
So how do I alleviate this boredom? I shop on the internet from 9am – 5pm Monday through Friday.
Window shopping is fine. It’s fun to put together fantasy outfits (if you’re me, it’s fun anyway), fantasy furniture designs and browse, browse, browse for the stuff I actually need (when I size down I frequently need to replace the vast majority of my wardrobe).
What ISN’T fine is when I make want-based purchases without clearing them with my husband. He totally busted me last night on the two (TWO) Dooney & Bourke bags that I’ve bought in the last month. Granted, they were a GREAT deal for Dooney & Bourke (or as my husband says, ‘Dooney and Booney’), but I don’t NEED two new handbags let ALONE two new Dooney & Bourke handbags.
Sound like a familiar pattern? I’m unhappy/bored, I eat (shop), I feel good, the food is gone (or the item arrives) and I’m still unhappy/bored. Better eat more (buy something else) so I can feel better again.
Yup. I’ve swapped one addiction for another.
This happened when I had a dramatic weight loss in 2006. I became OBSESSED with shopping and had no idea why. What’s so great about the fact that it’s 2010 and NOT 2006? I now see the CLEAR connection between what I’m using shopping for: I’m using it to avoid feeling what I don’t want to feel (bored and unhappy).
So what do you do if you can’t abuse food, can’t shop compulsively and can’t smoke (I QUIT SMOKING IN JULY 2010!!!)?
There are a few things you can do:
1. Be present and aware.
When browsing online there’s always the risk that I will come across something that seems to be too good of a deal to pass up (case in point, those two handbags). When I find this item that makes my pupils dilate and my heart race it is very easy to be lost in the moment and buy without regard for the impact the purchase will have on our finances (let alone buying without regard for the fact that I don’t actually need anything).
To prevent buyer’s remorse I don’t allow myself to be carried away on a sea of cute handbag adrenaline. When I feel the familiar reactions to a cute item, I stop, remove myself from the situation, make myself wait a day before making the purchase (which waiting ALWAYS prevents from taking place).
Another form of awareness is knowing what I can and cannot handle. I cannot handle browsing the monthly specials at dooney.com. I just can’t. So I don’t do it.
I also prevent myself from making a new purchase by looking at my recent purchases (they’re usually right next to me or on my body) and acknowledging that owning these items did not change anything. Yes, they’re cute, but I’m still looking for more new items to add to the collection so clearly the same will be the case when whatever I’m about to purchase is no longer online but in my possession. Once I own the item, life will be the same. I’ll still be bored at work, but in addition I’ll have the SECONDARY problem of feeling bad about having made a purchase, wasted money, prevented our savings from accumulating as fast as it potentially could, etc.
2. Do something else that isn’t boring.
I work downtown at the end of a one mile stretch of pedestrian only highway. I love walking. I love the season (fall).
It’s very easy for me to steal away for 30 minutes and take a brisk walk. The benefits of this are many since not only am I no longer bored, but I’m moving my body, enjoying the sunshine, taking in the sights/sounds/smells of the city. It’s great!
I totally neglected my blog and this downtime is a great opportunity to update it with everything I’ve learned/am learning.
People use the internet for a lot of things. It isn’t JUST a 24 hour mall. It’s also an amazing resource on ANYTHING you might be interested in knowing about, well, ANYTHING. Best part, using the internet as a resource doesn’t lead to a drained bank account or feelings of guilt.
You get the idea. I have a lot of options and choices that don’t involve spending money. I just have to be CONSTANTLY aware of why I’m doing what I’m doing. Am I abusing food/shopping compulsively/*insert distructive behavior here* as a means to avoid feeling something I don’t want to feel? The answer is always ‘yes’. I just need to pay attention and I can uncover the TRUE motivations for my destructive behavior and address it instead of perpetuating it.
